He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
