Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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