my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
