i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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