so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
