Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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