I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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