The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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