she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
