Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
