you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
