Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
