I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
