I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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