you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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