Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
