I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
