and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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