Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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