i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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