you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
