You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
