My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I could fuck to npr.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
