hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
