Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
