good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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