shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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