I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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