If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
