Pants 0. Shit 1.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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