how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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