I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
