Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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