I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
