i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
