Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
