i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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