I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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