so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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