dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
