didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
