It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
