her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The beer is more important than you right now.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
