my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
