Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
