I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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