Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
