just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
