Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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