What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize