If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
