What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I am one with the molecules
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
