Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize