he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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