Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
