PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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