i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
