I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize