woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
