Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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