I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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