READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
