I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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