turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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