Farmville is her only friend.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize