Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
