is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Who died my cat blue again?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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