The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
