Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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