im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
