Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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