I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
