Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
