This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
