Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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