I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
