forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
