I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
