the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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