So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
