i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
