I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
