Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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