yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
